Big Brother 9 – in a bikeshop

Day two thousand one hundred and fifty nine .


9.17 am : Housemates Ray and Barry arrive for work and to open the big brother house (shop) for Business at 9.30 am .


9.31 am : First customer of the day enters the showroom and makes his way towards the counter . Customer enquires as to the availability of a booster for an indoor television ariel . Housemate Ray regretfully informs customer that we unfortunately do not currently stock such an item .


9.49 am : First customer still at counter explaining that the ariel was purchased from Sean Hacketts when he also sold bikes so the customer presumed that a bike shop would be the logical location for the booster .


10.17 am : Housemate Barry is in the workshop repairing a two day old supermarket bicycle which has forks fitted backwards , front wheel nuts barley hand tight and brake blocks turned upside down .The broken rear derailleur made its way into the spokes on its maiden voyage as gears had been adjusted by supermarket employee who has joint responsibility for bicycle assembly and the peas and beans aisle .


11.02 am : A number of new housemates have entered the living area ( aka shopfloor) and are having a lively debate as to the merits of Valverdes dip in form weeks before the Tour begins . There are also many questions being asked as to the number of top professional riders who are being taken care of by the same doctor . The debate concludes with a general consensus that French riders , or those based in France are most likely to be clean , ie. free from illegal medical assistance , whilst Spanish riders and those based in Spain are most likely to use performance enhancing methods in liquid , tablet or iv. form .


12.29 am : Housemates Ray and Barry bolt through the open door as their daily rations are soon to be dispensed and they have only one hour in which to locate and consume their necessary calorie intake .


2.13 pm : Housemate Ray enters the diary room ( aka workshop) . He has something which he needs to get off his chest . The bike which he is carrying into the workshop has a rear wheel in the shape of a banana . The housemate who deposited the aforementioned bike wanted a new wheel under warrenty . Housemate Ray tried to decipher just how the wheel took on the shape of a yellow fruit and his investigation went as follows ;

How did it happen ?

I was just cycling along . ( This tends to be a standard reply amongst housemates)

Whereabouts were you , on the road or a driveway or somewhere else ?

On a driveway .

Was it your own driveway or someone else’s ?

My own .

Whereabouts was the bike before you took it out for the cycle ?

On the ground .

Did there happen to be a car nearby ?

There might have been .

Just how near ?

About two feet or so .

And which was on the driveway first , the car or the bike ?

The bike .

Is it possible that the car may have rolled over the bike on its way past ?

‘suppose , maybe . (housemate begins to shift weight from foot to foot )

That’s probably what happened alright , sure we can fit a new wheel for forty euros , is that O.K. ?

Grand , I’ll call in Tuesday for it .


4.05 pm . The sales rep from Trek arrives in the big brother house with details of the new 2008 trek madone range . Their seems to be a very impressive range of features on the new bikes , especially the mast version of the integrated seatpost  whereby different length masts are available which will rule out the one shot only current version of having to cut the seat tube to length .


4.52 pm . A new housemate enters the house to collect his new Kuota Kharma which has a full carbon frame and full shimano 105 groupset  , all for just 1950 euros . He also admires the Kuota Kebel frameset which at just 1399 euro seems incredible value for money especially considering that it only weighs 1.1 kg and comes with full carbon fork and carbon aero seatpost .


6.09 pm . Housemates close the shop and look forward to spending time with other housemates whom they have not seen all day .



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