A new cycling commentator !

Yesterday , on the way back from Dublin I was listening to Miceal O Murahurtaigh commentating on the Tipp – Cork match , and wondered what he would be like commentating on a bike race , maybe it would be something like this ;

‘ Dia dhiabh agus failte , welcome , welcome , welcome to Middleton for the cluiche ceannais All Ireland road race final of the year two thousand and ooh nine . And ooh isn’t it a great day for a race . All of the riders are lined up here in glorious sunshine . Don’t talk to me about sunshine , myself and herself are only back from our holidays in Spain and were like two vegetables , a tomato and an onion . She’s all red and I’m still peeling . ‘

‘ The flag is dropped and they’re away . The first man to attack is ‘The Daggler ‘ Power from Waterford . He’s been going well all year and he wants to go well again here today . I was talking to his father Pat before the race and he was telling me that the young fella was all fired up to do well . ‘Tis a hot day to be lighting the fire but there’ll be bonfires in lismore park if the shamrock jersey ends up in Waterford tonight . ‘

‘ Power is caught and the counter attack comes from his team mate Morgan Fox . The jersey’s pink and blue and if he was a redhead they’d call him Foxy . His first cousin Dessie Dolan was best man for his brother Gary last Friday . He had to leave the Church in a helicopter to go and score a goal and four points for Westmeath in their Leinster quarter final against Offaly . There’s no helicopter here today and Morgan’s girlfriend Maria told me he’ll be cycling home to Athlone if he finishes outside of the top ten . ‘

‘Fox is joined on the attack by a post man . He’s not a real post man but young Mark Cassidy rides in the all green of the An Post Martin Donnelly Grant Thornthon Sean Kelly professional cycling team . Well that’s more of a mouth full than anything that Pamela Anderson has to offer . Young Mark wore the yellow jersey of race leader for a day in this years FBD Insurance Ras but was unlucky to crash out of the race . His father Philip had worn his first Ras yellow jersey twenty five years to the day before his son and he went on to win the Ras twice . Will the son do the same ? The signs are good but I suppose only time will tell .’

‘A couple of more riders have bridged the gap to the leaders . The gap is growing and is now the size of Times square in New York . I was there a few weeks ago and was missing the racing back home . I approached a news stand and asked ‘ I suppose ye wouldn’t have The Kerryman , would ye ?’ To which the Egyptian man behind the counter turned to me and said ,’ is it the north Kerry or south Kerry edition that you want ? , He had both so I bought both . And the break has been closed down again ‘

‘Speaking of The Kerryman here’s Eugene Moriarty having a go himself . He’s going well in the blue and white of Myhome.ie BDBC . Billy Doolan is a building contractor and Myhome sell houses so there’s a good link up there .’

‘The wedger’ O’Loughlin from Mayo has attacked up the hill like a stone from a gallabandy . I was at mass in Cobh this morning and the omens seem to be good for Mayo , the priest was wearing the Mayo colours . O’Loughlin has the head down and is getting away . He’s looking strong and ……………he punctures . Well so much for religion ‘

‘John O’Brien from Cobh riding for Dan the man Morrisey attacks and is quickly joined by Paidi O’Brien , no relation . Paidi goes through and does his turn at the front but they’re still not related . His grandfather probably fought for Independence in nineteen sixteen and young Paidi is fighting for All Ireland glory here today ‘

‘We’re nearing the final part of the race and Davy McCann is on the attack . Well if any man can stay away McCann can . His father makes furniture but Davy spends more time on the saddle than on the sofa . His head is down and he’s looking at the handlebars . The handlebars are looking at him .

‘And who goes after him only young Stevie Gallagher . The man from the North who goes better down South . He rode magnificently in this years  Ras to take the spoils . What a remarkable year it would be for young Stevie if he were to take the All Irelands and the Ras all in the one year . ‘

‘We’re standing here at the finish line and the leaders are coming into view . They’re sprinting to the left and sprinting to the right . There still too far away to make them out . All I can see are the colours of their jerseys . There’s pink , there’s blue , there’s green , there’s white . But who will take the gold , silver and bronze . We’ll know now shortly ‘

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I’m sorry we seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties at present and hope to resume coverage as soon as possible on June twenty ninth !

Barry